my laptop need a new MOTHER...

ohh... no... toshiba pple called up to say tat my laptop cannot boot up, becos the motherboard is damage.. aiyo... so sway ah.. i din used for more than 2 mths lor.. haiz... so poor ting.. hopefully after tis, my laptop will be okay.. in australia, it is so hard to locate a toshiba service centre. seeing their add, they r so far from where i am.. aiyo.. pray hard hard.. laptop dun spoil when i am there!!! pls pls... *pray hard hard*

as for my studies, after the accomodation confirmed... now is flights. going to check out my air tickets... hmm.. hopefully still got seats ah...

getting more and more prepared for the studies.. quite happy and excited abt it... yeahz! haha..

still need by luaggage bag, toiletries, stationary and lots more tings... hopefully can get tings done up asap... kinda look forward ohh...

my accomodation application is accepted!

Yeahz!!! i finally got my accomodation confirmation.. now i need to mail back the acceptance... cos there is some technical delay.. hopefully i am still in time to reply. thank GOD, manage to get the stay! as long as everyting goes smoothly.. i can finish most of my administrative work... look forward...

i am really glad tat i am born in spore... and i am a sporean... becos of tis fact... alot of tings can go rather smoothly... be it in watever aspect.. dun wan to elaborate liao.. cos rather sensitive..

anyway, i am very happy now.. in abt 2 mths time i can go over! yeahz!

my laptop & i r SICK... poor ting ah...

haiz... 2 tings tat so unhappy ah..

1stly, i am sick.. sore thorat plus flu... voice oso change liao.. feeling not too good abt it cos always like breathing difficulty. haiz.. hopefully next week can get well... wanna go sing KTV oso cannot ah.. haz..

2ndly, my new laptop oso sick ah... same as me... dunno wat sickness yet, but he is hospitalise liao.. next week then i can see him and noe his sickness... hopefully nutting serious and no need medicine... *pray hard tat my laptop is fine*

Friendship; Love Relationship...

hmm.. find it rather amazing.. and paiseh.. cos at my age, i still can be so emotional influence by the TV serials i watch.. haha.. i guess tis is my nature ba.. no matter how old i am, after watching a show, i will surely be influence by it at tat point in time.. anyway, juz wanna share the feeling of the show here..

title of show is Dou Yu.. well, is a Taiwan Ou Xiang Serial. had been on for quite a long time.. only now then me borrow the VCD from my fren to watch.. quite out dated lah.. but nvm. good show can be watch any time one lor.. hehe...

is a show abt frenship, love relationship, family kinship.. 3 impacts by the show after i watched.

1st impact: frenship
in the show, the 3 male leads r good buddies since young. and they had been so good tat they will always share everything together and will always be there for one another. i envy them cos in real life, tis kind of frenship is so hard to find and maintain.. or maybe i din meet up with such frenship ba.. i really envy them cos i always wanna have such frenship too... juz imagine how nice would it be to have a fren or 2 from young.. grow up with u. u and him/her can always be with 1 another at all times.. i longed for such frenship but unfortunately, i din meet up with it. act some pple can find tat kind of frenship but to me usually they r guys. juz like my bro.. he found a bunch of good buddies which 6 of them r the best buddies of all. they may not knew each since young, but their you qing is so so deep and firm.. i really envy my bro for tat. i oso wanna tat!!! i always tink tat becos i am a girl. usually between girls, such deep and transparent frenship r so hard to maintain.. pple say girls can communicate better but i tink likewise. i prefer guys' frenship, so pure, so firm and straightforward.. girls tend to be more narrow minded and petty abt many tings.. i have a gal fren. her 2 best buddies r guys ohh.. see, doesn't it explain itself tat guys' frenship is always more pure and simple?

2nd impact: love relationship
part A is abt Male Lead B giving up Female Lead A becos his best buddy, Male Lead A is in love with Female Lead A. is another wei da act.. silly but i can fully understand his feelings and pain.. is nv an easy job.. haiz... remind me of some unhappy moments.. but nutting lah.. hahaz..

part B is the love between Male Lead A and Female Lead A. typical love story where they went thru so much hardship before they can be together. but something unusual here is tat in tis show, i NEVER heard the word "so painful, then let's break up ba!" usually in the other shows, i will see tis once the couple have prob or quarrels. but here in tis show, no matter how hard tings had been, how painful they r, how terrible the situation goes, they NEVER abandon one another.. i really admire tat!!! i oso long for such marvellous love. a love tat NEVER say die easily, a love tat NEVER abandon each other so easily, a love tat can go thru all kind of pains and hardship.. but do such LOVE exist in real life? or shld i say i am over tat age to experience such LOVE? haha...

3rd impact: adapt to environment and change if necessary..
in the show, Female Lead A is a rich girl who is born in a good family where parents dote on her and she live a carefree life. however she chose to live a hard life with Male Lead A and from then change her life entirely. she is such a weak girl to be involve in such a harsh life and surrounding. but she nv give up and she din complain much abt the environment. she bravely face her decision and willing to change to adapt to her environment and new world.

in tis world, we all noe tis well enough. the world wun change for our sake, it wun stop becos we stop. if we can't adapt, we will lose out. but many pple always comlain tis and tat abt the place they r in.. they nv really put in effort to see how they can blend in. they only expect miracle to happen and change the environment to be their preferences. NO WAY! no way such miracle will happen... we all jolly well noe tis FACT but we always ignore and deny. haiz~~~ y lehz? esp sporean ah.. maybe our life juz too comfortable.. tis reminds me tat i am a sporean too.. will i be able to adapt and change according to environment when i reach Aust, juz as brave as the Female Lead A in the show or will i be typical pple, complaining and complaining & expect miracles? i always tink tat i have good adaption skills, do i really have? i will noe in a few mths time.. hehez..

after so much of feelings, i guess i have really digested the show ohh.. hahaz.. so much so tat i am addicted to the songs in the show.

hmm.. shows r acted and filmed becos there r similar situations everywhere; there r always reasons behind everything.. if not how scriptwriters come up with the stories for all the shows lehz? heeheez... haahaaz... :)

count down to the day i am leaving for UQ... 50 more days...

once again.. today my frens asked me when i am flying over to Australia... oh.. it is making me tink of it again and again ah.. haha... seems like time fly so so fast.. in abt 2 mths time i will be on my way to UQ to start my uni life..

going to leave my beloved family, my best buddies, my dearest hometown.. a place where i grew up, spend for my last 21 yrs here.. haiz.. no choice but to leave it for 2 yrs.. i will miss it alot but i noe i juz have to endure and 2 yrs will pass easily. loneliness is going to be difficult, i guess. i noe is nv easy when i am outside alone. without family and frens.. how sad tings can be.. BUT, hey! come on! who am i? i am wee san leh! i sure can make it one.. my frens say i am independent. i may not be as strong as i may seen to be but i wun get myself fall off easily.. surely can make it! yeahz!

jul.. my big day will be in jul.. haha.. look forward with hopes and happiness.. with some sadness cos leaving my home sweet home.. no matter wat, i still hope to go over ASAP... hehe... count down to the number of days.. if i wanna leave on 9 jul.. from now till then, exactly 50 days.. count down week by week.. :)

6 days Hong Kong trip... surely enjoying and exciting!

yeah! i am back from Hong Kong, my 6 days Hong Kong trip.. it was a tiring and "aching" trip yet an enjoyable and happy trip.

tiring becos there r so many places to go within 6 days and aching becos of all the walking... imagine 14 escalators up and 14 escalators up everyday from our residence at Mid-Levels.. ~~phew.. tough exercise ah.. everyday after our meals, we will do exercise by walking and walking... up slope and down slope.. non stop... haha.. no wonder Hong Kong pple so skinny.. they walk a lot to keep fit ah.. and admire them ah.. ladies can wear high heals to walk up and down steep slope, guys can wear jacket and suit to walk here and there.. so hot weather leh.. wow!!!

so many places of interests to go... we din go for all but at least we covered most of it.. we went to Ocean Park (din have enough time to play lor.. sad), Madame Tussand's @ the Peak, Wong Tai Sin Temple, Che Kung Temple, Big Buddha @ Lantau Island, Avenue of Stars... shopping everywhere... Ladies Street, Temple Street, Sportswear street, Time Square, SOGO... but items in Hong Kong r juz as exp as Spore's so i oso din buy much. juz tat we went to Espirit warehouse and i bought a jacket. the most exp present i bought for myself for tis trip. a bit guilty though... haiz...

i am amazed by a few tings in hong kong. 1stly, their transportation systems. their MTR is so accessible and it is rather well built. so wide area and is so deep underground.. so many levels down... considering all their island, at least main islands r connected to the famous outlying island. well done! 2ndly is the airport express train. it is so so convenient and moreover there is a pre-check in system for travelers to check in their language 1st @ the MTR in city so as not to rush.. isn't it more convenient, esp for business travelers? yeahz! 3rdly, is their service. so fast and more sincerity. when we go and eat, we r being served within 5mins after ordering of food, is so fast and no need to wait at all.. when we go to the shops, i can feel the sincerity in their services. they treat their customers in general. they dun differentiate their attitude towards locals or tourists. as long as they r customers... tis is someting i dun see in spore. cos spore service is rather slow... got to wait for more than 10mins to be serve in restaurants, got to tolerate those service attitudes.. haiz.. spore ah.. lost in tis way lor...

overall i enjoyed myself for the trip and i felt so happy to be able to complete my 1st overseas trip tat was planned totally by myself from start to end... along the way, i learnt a lot of tings and how impt tolerating and accomodating is. i love to plan my own trip and hopefully in future there will be more chance.. i dun mind going back to Hong Kong again.. but not so much for the shopping. i am not the shopping kind. i juz wanna learn and experience their lifestyle and environment...

successful trip! yeah! can gear up myself before i set off for studies in July liao... haha... :)

3 days in Hong Kong so far... 3 more days to go... hee hee...

yeahz!!! i am currently in Hong Kong! tis is my 3rd day here... there is a lot of walking to do in Hong Kong, from places to places, u need to walk and walk... up-slope, down slope... juz walk and walk... until now our legs r aching.. muscle very "suan"... haiz... haha...

walking becos of shopping too... hong kong really has alot of areas to shop... we r juz like one quarter thru.. and is like very tired of shopping.. 1st day when we go Causeway Bay.. we shopped at only 1 complex, is already very tiring.. then when we go 2nd one.. we r almost dead tired.. haha...

2nd day we went to Lantau Island to see the Big Buddha.. wow! to climb up all the steps to see the Buddha, is not an easy job.. is over 100 plus steps... climb until my legs turn "soft".. but the view and atmosphere up on the top was very very nice.. good view and cooling effect.. on top of there, i saw Anita Mui's tablets.. so many flowers and offering..
then at nite we went to Victoria Peak for night viewing of Hong Kong.. really beautiful and so bright! when i upload my photos at home.. i can show it here.. yeahz!

now is 3rd day, later we going to New Territories area, the Che Kung temple to turn our luck and Wong Tai Sin temple for good luck. then shopping @ Nathan Road.. and evening, shall be Avenue of Stars.. another day of walking and walking.. haha..

shall end here 1st.. yeahz!

inspiring movie - "Coach Carter"

3 blogs on 1 single day.. ha.. anyway, juz wanna share a nice movie i watched on friday.

1st time i went to watch the movie on my own.. nv tried before.. quite nice ohh.. cos maybe is becos i chose a good movie. movie title is Coach Carter. it is a real life story abt basketball. a sport which i really enjoy watching and playing with frens.

i saw the passion of basketball and the desire to play basketball and yet maintaining everyting in life in contact. not giving up tis and tat becos i wan to become tat and tis. many pple give up studies to become a good sports player. but in tis show, i realise being a sports player, u can be a good student too! is no longer a dream and hope.. is real.. pple did it before! indeed really inspiring for pple around ohh.. *not me lah.. i am not a sportswoman lor..* haha..

but still it brought out the passion in me to play sports again. used to played netball in sch and basketball with frens. for almost 5 yrs nv really do all these again. how i wish i can get back to all these... will wanna try to go for one of it in Aust when i study in UQ. wanna try out the netball there if any.. i noe Aust netball r good and i can't be as good as there.. still hope i can play. out of leisure.. i like the feeling of playing and enjoying the games with my teammates and the cheers around.. i wanna have tat feeling again.. hopefully i can!

but before tat need train up stamina lah.. aiyo.. so long nv train liao.. cannot make it now lor.. *haha..* mmm... can i do it? maybe in half a yr time, i will post a blog to say if i did join a sport..

i am NOT defeated yet!

lately i seems to have discover a lot of problems and shortcomings abt myself.. really dunno wan myself to be like tis ah.. i noe it is inevitable tat pple have bad points but i really dun wan myself to have all these.. petty, paranoid, unreasonable, demanding and short temper...

i get irritated easily lately and losing temper at pple around me and myself very often. tat day, i was so irritated by my own attitude tat i actualy throw my temper at my grandma when she was reminding me abt someting out of goodwill.. i shouted at her not to keep nagging.. i was so angry abt myself and regretted my actions so much.. i really din noe y i shouted at her.. and i din mean it.. i shld have told her nicely tat i will do it. i really really regretted. and tis few days, i juz kept myself in the room doing my tings. i noe how lonely grandma felt when she is sick now, cannot go out. only left me can tok to her and yet i locked myself in the room. but i juz worry i tok to her more, i can't control and lose my temper again. i realy hate myself being like tis.. so rude to my grandma.. telling myself over and over again to control and cannot like tis but yet i juz can't hold back.. i noe grandma will not hear tis but i juz to say "grandma, i am really really SORRY.. dui bu qi"

juz cannot seems to get myself to speak to pple nicely and be less annoying lor.. i noe i can't carry on like tis.. cos if i became a person who juz flare up easily, i will surely face problem wherever i go in future. getting more narrow minded is someting tat i feel tat i am really have problem with.. dunno y.. juz feel tat living in a world with only me and me.. no longer the old WS where i will tink in a general picture. now is really a world me Me and Me only! dun like tis.. really dun like.. i noe i am a petty girl all along but i noe i had been within limits all these while.. juz tat nowadays, i am getting out of hand... getting petty over minor small tings easily and making a fuss over unnecessary tings.. y? y am i like tis?

i really hate to admit but i realise all my short comings r really getting more and more where i feel like strangling myself at times liao.. i am running from reality by not admitting it though i noe it is getting serious.. NOW i can no longer run away from it. it is obvious when i am full of tinking where i din used to have it, actions where i dun usually do. i wan to save myself before tings get out of hand. i wan to be the old WS where i used to be.. can i? can i get tat WS back?

wat muz i do? izzit becos i locked myself at home all these while so develop such an undesirable character? so self centered and unreasonable... it had not been part of me when i was in the past.. y is all these happening now when i am going to study in Aust in 2 mths time? i wan to spend my remanining time happily with my grandma, parents and family and frens but can i do it? can i change my attitude towards pple? in the past, i can say i can.. now i start to doubt my ability and confidence.

i MUST do someting.. really.. i dun wan to become such an idiot for rest of my life.. i dun wan to be hated by pple.. i dun wan! i dun wan! i muz cool down.. i muz organise my tots and ask myself wat i wan.. i shall not be defeated so easily.. cannot say "i admit defeat" when i can still save myself.. cannot! use tis chance to go overseas and relax my mind 1st. try to calm my inner feelings and have a clearer mind hopefully will allow me a greater room to tink. i wan to be like the past and in fact be better. i dun wan to shout at pple around me, i dun wan get so unreasonable.. can i do it? YES! i can and i MUST! 2 mths.. 2 mths to going overseas.. 2 mths to Aust study.. i will and i MUST do it! in these 2 mths, i muz cool myself down be it inner or outer... if not, for my rest of the life, i will fail as a person, as a granddaughter, as a daughter, as a sister, as a niece, as a cousin, as a fren...

no one can help me.. even if i tell my frens all these, i noe none can help me cos tis is my life, my own character, my own tinking. if i dun help myself, how am i going to walk out of tis undesirable moment in life? i still rem Adam Khoo's teachings... 100% participation and failure is feedback. i noe i failed and i muz use all these as feedbacks and i wan a 100% participation of myself in tis moment of character modifying and moulding period! i noe i can.. confidence level is low now.. but i noe i can do it cos i am NOT defeated yet!

my Hong Kong trip! yeahz!

yeah! now is 1 May liao.. tml, 2 May i am going to Hong Kong with my frens! a trip tat i had been planning and looking forward to since last yr.. finally is going to be here soon!!! yeah... though gonna be real broke after the trip where the amount in my bank account get less everyday.. really dunno how liao... very broke ah.. haiz.. but dun tink abt tat 1st, enjoy my trip since i paid for it liao! yeahz!

Zhui Ai - the one u love most.. ???

hmm.. today i watch a show on TV. initially i din like the show.. but when i get the meaning of the show, i start to feel tat is actually quite meaningful though the show is very slow moving lah.. *bored at some parts..*

title of show is "Zhui Ai", in english is "the one u love most". in tis show, there is tis lady who like a guy but it so happens tat is her best fren's bf. so she din wan to get in between them, she chose to marry another guy whom she only have good feelings towards. she love the 1st guy but she can't be with him, so she choose to marry the 2nd guy which she like only. is like telling us, in tis world, u may really love someone but u may not end up with tat someone u love due to some obstruction. the one u love very much may not be the one who can give u the everlasting happiness...

wow! i really agree... ur Zhui Ai may be Person A, but u may end up together with Person B. in life, alot of cases is as such. alot of pple will say : "wo de zhui ai bu shi tan... ke shi wo men que zai yi qi.." y izzit so??? well, my own thinking is tat alot of times, u may love tat person the most, but is at the wrong time, wrong place, or even wrong person... so end up u and tat person cannot be together. even though so, u noe in ur heart, tat person is still ur Zhui Ai... then when u get together with another person, but ur feeling for tat person is not as strong.. couples r everywhere.. but u ask them tis quest " had ur partner been ur Zhui Ai all these while?" out of ten, i guess there will be abt 7 of them telling u "NO". he/she may be ur Zhui Ai, but u may not be with him/her. the one u r with may not be ur Zhui Ai...

at tis point in time, i noe who is my Zhui Ai.. he had always been there no matter how long.. how tings change. but i noe tis Zhui Ai will nv be together with me.. in future when if i will be able to meet my the other half, he may over take tis Zhui Ai or he may not... maybe till then, i will noe if i am tat 70% who will ans NO or tat 30% who will ans YES.

wat is the feeling of Zhui Ai leh? hmm... izzit he is someone who will live in ur heart? a permanent placing in ur heart? always will rem whatever tings happen between u and him? watever tings happen to him, u noe u r very concern and worried abt... is he someone like tis? sound so simple.. but tat feeling is really very strong... strong and stubborn..

PS: tis entry a bit dun make sense in my writing cos din seems to concentrate when writing.. haha... someting bothering me ba... haiz.. someting i dunno how to say oso...

UQ, here i come... dying to fly over...

Finally decided... yeah! my accomodation in UQ... decide to apply for Union College. Sending in my application this week, hopefully everything goes well and i can get it! Pls... GOD, pls bless me, ok? beg u ah... pls pls... i very stress up already... so many things to pack, some tings to settle...

haiz... i would say going to study overseas ALONE is nv an easy job.. so many things to do and decide on my own. will i get used to it? i really wonder... BUT i wun let myself or my family down. i wan to graduate with 1st class! i wan to excel! and i MUST excel... i can do it as long as i put in heart and effort... cannot afford to slag when i am there... self discipline and independence very impt... i noe i MUST put extra extra effort. Jia You ba, weishan!

UQ, here i come!!! shld be departing in early July... yeah!

where to stay in UQ?? aiyo...

a bit headache ah... now wanna apply for accomodation for my uni in Australia but everything seems so confusing and messy. haiz~~~ i feel kinda lost. and dunno how to go abt doing it... can't help but worry and worry... how?

juz sent an email to the in charge, hopefully tomolo he can reply. i really wan settle all these ASAP and then i can happily pack my things and get ready to fly over. all these admin stuff r making me crazy... *help! *help! SOS ah!!! hahaha...

is not easy... really not easy... haiz... endure ba..!

*face now no expression liao... *

Hong Kong, Here i come!!! Live it, sense it, taste it!

yeah! i am finally confirm going to Hong Kong!
1st trip tat i am planning myself from start till end...
1st trip tat i am on my own, going with my frens...
1st trip to Hong Kong...

very excited abt it... haha...
2nd may to 7th may...
wow... will be away for 1 full week! yeah!
haha... happy happy and excited excited...
hopefully everything goes well and we can have an enjoyable trip! yeah!

all the best to our trip 1st... need plan the itinerary now... 6days... wat can we do leh... muz plan plan a bit 1st...

cheers!

"guaranteed with a stamp & no expiry date... i promise!"

"Guaranteed with a stamp and no expiry date... i promise!"... a new tact line i like to express towards frens..

cos to me, frenship is so so impt and i can't imagine myself without any frens. i love to be with my frens, love their company and i dun like being alone... with frens around, i feel warm and loved. cos i noe they r always there for me... perhaps tis is an ideal kind of frenship i always have in mind. with tis in mind, whenever i face any frenship, i will devote 100% in it, hoping to present a better me to my frens. i always like to shower my frens with care, concern and love. someting i REALLY hope to get in return. but sad to say, till date.. i still dun get tat. when i tot i found them, then i realise they r not. perhaps like wat pple say, true frens r so so hard to find. u can have hundreds of frens, but who r ur true frens, is hard to determine and find.

how many pple actually understand the definition of true frens? i doubt there r alot... even i myself may not noe it. and pple tink differently. maybe juz a simple care and concern, someone may tink is true fren, maybe alot of scoldings and criticsm is true fren to another person. so it really differ. depends on individual. as for me, my true fren is simple. i wan someone who is willing to ask... ask me abt my happiness and sadness, no need i volunteer to tell him/her. i am someone who like to share my tings and i oso like to ask abt pple. cos i believe pple always need care and concern. little asking may sound irritating at times but soon tat person will feel warm cos they noe u care for him/her. thus i REALLY hope to find a fren who r willing to listen to all my nonsense and rubbish and feelings. i noe such tings r meant for ur lover to do it but i still believe among frens, there r still possibility. i am still searching and i wun give up... i still tink positive abt it... hee hee... :)

i wun say i failed completely either. though dun really can find a true fren, at least i found alot of good frens. my buddies from sec sch, pri sch, poly and everywhere. life can nv live without frens. i am glad all these frens came into my life, cos my life will nv be complete without them.

i love jigsaw puzzle, esp the type of globe puzzle. my life is juz like a round globe puzzle. my frens r juz like the pieces of jigsaw. they r helping me form a globe, completely it day by day. after 21yrs of "fixing", i am one quarter thru my globe. more pieces will come by to "fix" me up completely one day.. i believe.

juz would like to tell all my new and old frens out there... my frenship to u in any time, any place is always "guaranteed with a stamp and no expiry date... i promise!"

My Grandfather... & my family...

today i went to pay respect to my grandpa, someone who doted me the most since i was born. tis yr is his 10th death anniversary. it is oso the last time i can go pay respect to him before i go for Aust for 2yrs. grandpa passed away when i was 11yrs old, now tat i am 21yrs old, it had been 10 long yrs, i nv forget how he look like and the tings tat he did. he is the best grandpa on earth.

i still rem how he sat beside me to rock me to sleep in a sarong when i was young, how he brought me to market for breakfast, how he waited for me at the void deck where my sch bus would drop me everyday after sch, how he waited for me and my bro at the void deck on every weekend when my parents bring us back to his house, how he will called out to my name to open the door whenever he come home... i still rem how he would dress whenever he go out. he will always wear a white short sleeve shirt plus a greyish black long pants, black covered shoes made of cloth and hold on to an black umbrella be it rainy or sunny day... at home he would always wear a white t-shirt and a light blue shorts and a pair of slippers.

grandpa is a very smart and caring person. he always put pple above himself and will always try his best to help pple who need help. he will not let anyone down. i still rem how Aunties will always advise him to save his $$ to himself and not send all back home to China to his relatives who might be cheating his $$. but to grandpa, as long as they r his family members, he dun mind. he juz wan to make sure they get a comfortable life. granny told me tat last time when they were very poor, grandpa oso nv tot of giving up. when pple asked him to give away some of his children to lighten his load, his ans will always be a firm "NO". to him, children are his life, no matter how poor he can be, he make sure he bring them up. i may not be around to see all tat, but i can feel tat grandpa is a very responsible father and husband.

i still rem 10 yrs ago, the hospital called at abt 2am in the morning to inform us the bad news. at tat point in time, i was devastated. i can't help but keep crying cos i really dun wan to accept the reality. i can still vividly wat happen at home tat night. everyone in the family was very very upset. relatives came to my house early in the morning to help. all i can do is sit down at a corner, sobbing to myself as i dun wan disturb others. i held on to grandpa's photo. i was so scared, i wan him to be by my side. all along, he had been there for me. as he took care of my bro and i since young, we r always by his side. most of the time, after sch when i go home, he is around. he will always make sure i finish my homework before i go downstairs to play. when my bro and I are being punished, he will always be there for us. he nv used the cane to cane us though he always use it to scare us.. haha..

though grandpa leave us, i will nv forget him cos he is so dear to me. i guess in life there r always pple whom u will nv forget as they had such great impact to ur life. though grandpa had only been with me for 11yrs of my life, i tink is really enough. enough for me to feel for his presence and being affected by every of his tinking in helping pple. however it had nv been enough for me to be filial to him... pple always say i give in more than i take.. i guess tat is someting i learn from grandpa..

today i bought his fav food and told him abt me going to Aust for 2 yrs, not able to pay respect to him for 2yrs. i pray to him tat he will watch over me. i noe he will. he said he will always be there for me, which i believe he had always been here to watch over me... maybe it sounds funny. but i still rem when i took my PSLE and GCE O level, i took grandpa's photo with me to the exam hall. dunno y, i juz feel more assured when i feel his presence. to a certain extend, it really help to make me feel more peaceful and less stressful in facing the major exams.

in the past, grandpa had always been with me, now he is still in my heart and in future he will always live my heart...

the more i tink of it, the more i wan to be with my family. pple say u can choose ur frens, but u can't choose ur family as u r with them from day 1 when u r born. i am glad tat at least i have a complete family, we may not be the richest or well off family. at least we r 1 big happy family..

"Do u have such a guy in ur heart?"

i juz read a little write up in chinese thru some of the emails.
the title said" Do u have such a guy in ur heart?"
summary of the story: maybe u met someone whom u like but becos of some special reasons, u and tat someone cannot be together. the reasons may be u 2 met each other too late, u 2 had some obstacles in between... but in ur heart, u noe u had already fallen for tis person. u choose to remain frens with tis person as u noe, since u 2 cannot be an item, being frens is the only way out. however on top of tis frenship, u noe u will always give tis person a sense of concern tat will be more than frens, special care and concern. when tis person ask for help and advice to go after someone, u will give ur best help and advice to hope tat they will work out, but deep down in ur heart, do u feel tat way? when tis person need help in any way, u will not ask much and will not hestitate and give in ur best shot to help all the way. whenever tis person is upset, u will always be around to show ur concern and lend a listening ear. if tis person quarrel with his gf or her bf, u will always be around to help clarify. no matter wat, u will nv leave tis person alone. cos deep down in ur heart, u noe u 2 will nv be together, so u wan to be a forever close fren to tis person, helping out whenever u can and giving concern in watever way u can. u 2 can tok abt anything and everything and juz become frens forever. tis is all tat u ask for as u noe if u 2 were to be together, u may face break up. u juz can't leave tis person, so u rather use the everlasting frenship to bond him to u forever. to u, being a close fren with him is more than anything and u r contented with tat. no matter how much ur heart like him, u will not show it as u wan to be beside him forever...
do u have such a person in ur heart? after reading it, i muz say i do have it. when i read tis, the 1st person i tot of is him. he is tat someone in my heart who suits all the details as stated above. he is so dear to me. i noe i cannot afford to lose him but i can't afford to have him. so i choose to be his close frens forever. showing him the little concern every now and then, lending him a listening ear. though he might not noe, i really appreciate his presence and concern. his support along the way had been the greatest gift from him. towards him, it is a feeling tat is more than frens but less than lovers. if i tell pple, pple will nv believe me. but is true tat towards him, i ask for nutting but juz frenship. cos i can't afford to lose him in any way... he will be tat someone in my heart forever... someone i can guarantee i will nv forget..

strive of earthquake!!! --- be contented in life...

juz last nite, an earthquake measuring abt 8.5 ritcher scale strike North Sumatra in Indonesia. scary sia... news report said some hundred pple r affected by it. tsunami warning had been sent to the pple in countries like thailand, india, sri lanka, malaysia.. to pre warn pple as to avoid a major disaster such as the major tsunami tat struck us last dec, in the Indian Ocean. may god bless tat tis incident wun lead to another major tsunami disaster.

though spore is not in the earthquake region, we can still feel the mild tremors. i feel it too! is juz a split second and i feel a very mild one... i tot it was myself who was shaking and din take note of it.. when i saw the news last nite, then i realise y i am shaking. is juz some mild tremors though...

natural disasters r juz so unpredictable. it can juz strike as and when. and we r often unaware of it beforehand. and the damages brought abt by all these natural disasters r beyond our expectation. lives are lost, pple are left wounded, homes are damaged. damages are everywhere, physically and mentally. whenever i looked at the news reporting damages scenes at affected area, i feel so upset for them. how i wish i could do something for them! i oso thank god for letting me and my family be away from these disasters area. spore is small but we are at least free from all these. we do not need to wake up late at nite, bringing our valuables and belonging to move to a safer area to avoid disasters. we do not need to hide under the table. aren't we lucky? indeed we r very lucky as compared to million of pple in the world.

i dun wan to be rich and clever. all i asked for is to safe and healthy. if u ask me to choose, i rather remain poor forever with all my family and frens, rather than rich and lonely. one muz learn to contented with life. esp when tings can juz happen without us preparing it. tis is how vulnerable life is...muz treasure...

"i juz wan to be myself!"

ever wonder y some pple feel so pressurize in doing many things? do u have such feelings before? act i believe all of us have such feelings before... juz like my title says, " i juz wan to be myself!" when we r young children, we r living in our parents' shadows, doing alot of things which our parents wan us to do. sometimes it may be the things we hate most... but no choice, juz got to do. when we grow up, we maybe living in our frens' shadows, doing things juz becos of peer influence and following fashion. how many pple can really juz be themselves? well, in reality is really hard... haiz...

i used to give myself a lot of pressure when i do things. i used to tink tat whatever i do, i need account to pple. it is as if i am living for pple... do things to pleased them and nv really do things for myself. it is really very tiring when u wan to live for pple, do for pple and make pple pleased. when i fail, i feel very very upset and pple will juz pin point u tis and tat, totally ignoring ur sadness... sometimes, is juz not worth all the effort. in the past, i always live in pple's words, pple's comments and pple's actions. soon.. i get so so tired tat i start to tink y am i doing all these? can't i be myself and live for myself?

i tried to let go of alot of tings, not so persistence in doing all the things pple like. i still like to make pple happy but i noe i shld not do it at the expense of my own life. cos when pple is happy, i shld feel happy too. cannot be pple happy and i am not happy, rite? true happiness shld be everyone feel for it and benefits from it. i wan to make pple happy and i am happy too! i am still learning to be myself and live my own life. funny, rite? live for 21yrs liao.. still learning abt it, haha... well, life is still full of interesting lessons. i am finishing my lessons slowly. now i am learning to live a happy life in order to bring it to as many pple around me as possible. though at times, i still have to accept the fact tat in life, there r still tings u need to care for how pple will feel and account to them. for instance, to my parents and family... to my frens...

i am learning to be myself in my own life, my own way and at the same time not forgetting abt my responsiblities and promises..

~ my 1st blog ~

yoz! 1st blog for the newly created blogger that i set up days ago... nv tot i would set up one as i feel rather uneasy writing my things here. but still decide to give it a try as like wat my fren say, is a good way of letting out my feelings and tots for certain things...

din actually noe how to start off. when i saw my frens' blogger, they will usually list down wat they have done.. some will share their feelings abt some issues.. frankly speaking, i am not a person who can write well in expressin myself.. (slightly better off using my mouth lah... haha) i have a diary with me and whenever i have things to share or note down, i will write it down... now maybe i need make it an online diary.. whether pple have the time or patience to read, is ok... juz like a channel for me to let out my tots and feelings is more impt...

another ting is becos i am going to australia... haiz~~~ come to tis, worries start to come up.. going alone in jul to brisbane for my uni studies.. in an totally unfamiliar country, who wun be worry leh? but i noe i have to face it no matter wat.. when i tell pple i am ok, i will be fine.. i am trying to make myself really believe i am ok.. cos the more i tell pple how worried i am, how afraid i am, i will not be able to overcome it. life is full of challenges... tis shall b 1 of the challenges tat i will have to overcome and learn from! way to go, Iris!

had so much to share but dunno how to note down... maybe slowly when my mind organise the tots, i will note it down here... tat shall explain my blogger name: "my heart, my mind, my soul". my heart is to feel... my mind is to tink and organise... my soul is here to write it down...

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