Zhui Ai - the one u love most.. ???

hmm.. today i watch a show on TV. initially i din like the show.. but when i get the meaning of the show, i start to feel tat is actually quite meaningful though the show is very slow moving lah.. *bored at some parts..*

title of show is "Zhui Ai", in english is "the one u love most". in tis show, there is tis lady who like a guy but it so happens tat is her best fren's bf. so she din wan to get in between them, she chose to marry another guy whom she only have good feelings towards. she love the 1st guy but she can't be with him, so she choose to marry the 2nd guy which she like only. is like telling us, in tis world, u may really love someone but u may not end up with tat someone u love due to some obstruction. the one u love very much may not be the one who can give u the everlasting happiness...

wow! i really agree... ur Zhui Ai may be Person A, but u may end up together with Person B. in life, alot of cases is as such. alot of pple will say : "wo de zhui ai bu shi tan... ke shi wo men que zai yi qi.." y izzit so??? well, my own thinking is tat alot of times, u may love tat person the most, but is at the wrong time, wrong place, or even wrong person... so end up u and tat person cannot be together. even though so, u noe in ur heart, tat person is still ur Zhui Ai... then when u get together with another person, but ur feeling for tat person is not as strong.. couples r everywhere.. but u ask them tis quest " had ur partner been ur Zhui Ai all these while?" out of ten, i guess there will be abt 7 of them telling u "NO". he/she may be ur Zhui Ai, but u may not be with him/her. the one u r with may not be ur Zhui Ai...

at tis point in time, i noe who is my Zhui Ai.. he had always been there no matter how long.. how tings change. but i noe tis Zhui Ai will nv be together with me.. in future when if i will be able to meet my the other half, he may over take tis Zhui Ai or he may not... maybe till then, i will noe if i am tat 70% who will ans NO or tat 30% who will ans YES.

wat is the feeling of Zhui Ai leh? hmm... izzit he is someone who will live in ur heart? a permanent placing in ur heart? always will rem whatever tings happen between u and him? watever tings happen to him, u noe u r very concern and worried abt... is he someone like tis? sound so simple.. but tat feeling is really very strong... strong and stubborn..

PS: tis entry a bit dun make sense in my writing cos din seems to concentrate when writing.. haha... someting bothering me ba... haiz.. someting i dunno how to say oso...

UQ, here i come... dying to fly over...

Finally decided... yeah! my accomodation in UQ... decide to apply for Union College. Sending in my application this week, hopefully everything goes well and i can get it! Pls... GOD, pls bless me, ok? beg u ah... pls pls... i very stress up already... so many things to pack, some tings to settle...

haiz... i would say going to study overseas ALONE is nv an easy job.. so many things to do and decide on my own. will i get used to it? i really wonder... BUT i wun let myself or my family down. i wan to graduate with 1st class! i wan to excel! and i MUST excel... i can do it as long as i put in heart and effort... cannot afford to slag when i am there... self discipline and independence very impt... i noe i MUST put extra extra effort. Jia You ba, weishan!

UQ, here i come!!! shld be departing in early July... yeah!

where to stay in UQ?? aiyo...

a bit headache ah... now wanna apply for accomodation for my uni in Australia but everything seems so confusing and messy. haiz~~~ i feel kinda lost. and dunno how to go abt doing it... can't help but worry and worry... how?

juz sent an email to the in charge, hopefully tomolo he can reply. i really wan settle all these ASAP and then i can happily pack my things and get ready to fly over. all these admin stuff r making me crazy... *help! *help! SOS ah!!! hahaha...

is not easy... really not easy... haiz... endure ba..!

*face now no expression liao... *

Hong Kong, Here i come!!! Live it, sense it, taste it!

yeah! i am finally confirm going to Hong Kong!
1st trip tat i am planning myself from start till end...
1st trip tat i am on my own, going with my frens...
1st trip to Hong Kong...

very excited abt it... haha...
2nd may to 7th may...
wow... will be away for 1 full week! yeah!
haha... happy happy and excited excited...
hopefully everything goes well and we can have an enjoyable trip! yeah!

all the best to our trip 1st... need plan the itinerary now... 6days... wat can we do leh... muz plan plan a bit 1st...

cheers!

"guaranteed with a stamp & no expiry date... i promise!"

"Guaranteed with a stamp and no expiry date... i promise!"... a new tact line i like to express towards frens..

cos to me, frenship is so so impt and i can't imagine myself without any frens. i love to be with my frens, love their company and i dun like being alone... with frens around, i feel warm and loved. cos i noe they r always there for me... perhaps tis is an ideal kind of frenship i always have in mind. with tis in mind, whenever i face any frenship, i will devote 100% in it, hoping to present a better me to my frens. i always like to shower my frens with care, concern and love. someting i REALLY hope to get in return. but sad to say, till date.. i still dun get tat. when i tot i found them, then i realise they r not. perhaps like wat pple say, true frens r so so hard to find. u can have hundreds of frens, but who r ur true frens, is hard to determine and find.

how many pple actually understand the definition of true frens? i doubt there r alot... even i myself may not noe it. and pple tink differently. maybe juz a simple care and concern, someone may tink is true fren, maybe alot of scoldings and criticsm is true fren to another person. so it really differ. depends on individual. as for me, my true fren is simple. i wan someone who is willing to ask... ask me abt my happiness and sadness, no need i volunteer to tell him/her. i am someone who like to share my tings and i oso like to ask abt pple. cos i believe pple always need care and concern. little asking may sound irritating at times but soon tat person will feel warm cos they noe u care for him/her. thus i REALLY hope to find a fren who r willing to listen to all my nonsense and rubbish and feelings. i noe such tings r meant for ur lover to do it but i still believe among frens, there r still possibility. i am still searching and i wun give up... i still tink positive abt it... hee hee... :)

i wun say i failed completely either. though dun really can find a true fren, at least i found alot of good frens. my buddies from sec sch, pri sch, poly and everywhere. life can nv live without frens. i am glad all these frens came into my life, cos my life will nv be complete without them.

i love jigsaw puzzle, esp the type of globe puzzle. my life is juz like a round globe puzzle. my frens r juz like the pieces of jigsaw. they r helping me form a globe, completely it day by day. after 21yrs of "fixing", i am one quarter thru my globe. more pieces will come by to "fix" me up completely one day.. i believe.

juz would like to tell all my new and old frens out there... my frenship to u in any time, any place is always "guaranteed with a stamp and no expiry date... i promise!"

My Grandfather... & my family...

today i went to pay respect to my grandpa, someone who doted me the most since i was born. tis yr is his 10th death anniversary. it is oso the last time i can go pay respect to him before i go for Aust for 2yrs. grandpa passed away when i was 11yrs old, now tat i am 21yrs old, it had been 10 long yrs, i nv forget how he look like and the tings tat he did. he is the best grandpa on earth.

i still rem how he sat beside me to rock me to sleep in a sarong when i was young, how he brought me to market for breakfast, how he waited for me at the void deck where my sch bus would drop me everyday after sch, how he waited for me and my bro at the void deck on every weekend when my parents bring us back to his house, how he will called out to my name to open the door whenever he come home... i still rem how he would dress whenever he go out. he will always wear a white short sleeve shirt plus a greyish black long pants, black covered shoes made of cloth and hold on to an black umbrella be it rainy or sunny day... at home he would always wear a white t-shirt and a light blue shorts and a pair of slippers.

grandpa is a very smart and caring person. he always put pple above himself and will always try his best to help pple who need help. he will not let anyone down. i still rem how Aunties will always advise him to save his $$ to himself and not send all back home to China to his relatives who might be cheating his $$. but to grandpa, as long as they r his family members, he dun mind. he juz wan to make sure they get a comfortable life. granny told me tat last time when they were very poor, grandpa oso nv tot of giving up. when pple asked him to give away some of his children to lighten his load, his ans will always be a firm "NO". to him, children are his life, no matter how poor he can be, he make sure he bring them up. i may not be around to see all tat, but i can feel tat grandpa is a very responsible father and husband.

i still rem 10 yrs ago, the hospital called at abt 2am in the morning to inform us the bad news. at tat point in time, i was devastated. i can't help but keep crying cos i really dun wan to accept the reality. i can still vividly wat happen at home tat night. everyone in the family was very very upset. relatives came to my house early in the morning to help. all i can do is sit down at a corner, sobbing to myself as i dun wan disturb others. i held on to grandpa's photo. i was so scared, i wan him to be by my side. all along, he had been there for me. as he took care of my bro and i since young, we r always by his side. most of the time, after sch when i go home, he is around. he will always make sure i finish my homework before i go downstairs to play. when my bro and I are being punished, he will always be there for us. he nv used the cane to cane us though he always use it to scare us.. haha..

though grandpa leave us, i will nv forget him cos he is so dear to me. i guess in life there r always pple whom u will nv forget as they had such great impact to ur life. though grandpa had only been with me for 11yrs of my life, i tink is really enough. enough for me to feel for his presence and being affected by every of his tinking in helping pple. however it had nv been enough for me to be filial to him... pple always say i give in more than i take.. i guess tat is someting i learn from grandpa..

today i bought his fav food and told him abt me going to Aust for 2 yrs, not able to pay respect to him for 2yrs. i pray to him tat he will watch over me. i noe he will. he said he will always be there for me, which i believe he had always been here to watch over me... maybe it sounds funny. but i still rem when i took my PSLE and GCE O level, i took grandpa's photo with me to the exam hall. dunno y, i juz feel more assured when i feel his presence. to a certain extend, it really help to make me feel more peaceful and less stressful in facing the major exams.

in the past, grandpa had always been with me, now he is still in my heart and in future he will always live my heart...

the more i tink of it, the more i wan to be with my family. pple say u can choose ur frens, but u can't choose ur family as u r with them from day 1 when u r born. i am glad tat at least i have a complete family, we may not be the richest or well off family. at least we r 1 big happy family..

"Do u have such a guy in ur heart?"

i juz read a little write up in chinese thru some of the emails.
the title said" Do u have such a guy in ur heart?"
summary of the story: maybe u met someone whom u like but becos of some special reasons, u and tat someone cannot be together. the reasons may be u 2 met each other too late, u 2 had some obstacles in between... but in ur heart, u noe u had already fallen for tis person. u choose to remain frens with tis person as u noe, since u 2 cannot be an item, being frens is the only way out. however on top of tis frenship, u noe u will always give tis person a sense of concern tat will be more than frens, special care and concern. when tis person ask for help and advice to go after someone, u will give ur best help and advice to hope tat they will work out, but deep down in ur heart, do u feel tat way? when tis person need help in any way, u will not ask much and will not hestitate and give in ur best shot to help all the way. whenever tis person is upset, u will always be around to show ur concern and lend a listening ear. if tis person quarrel with his gf or her bf, u will always be around to help clarify. no matter wat, u will nv leave tis person alone. cos deep down in ur heart, u noe u 2 will nv be together, so u wan to be a forever close fren to tis person, helping out whenever u can and giving concern in watever way u can. u 2 can tok abt anything and everything and juz become frens forever. tis is all tat u ask for as u noe if u 2 were to be together, u may face break up. u juz can't leave tis person, so u rather use the everlasting frenship to bond him to u forever. to u, being a close fren with him is more than anything and u r contented with tat. no matter how much ur heart like him, u will not show it as u wan to be beside him forever...
do u have such a person in ur heart? after reading it, i muz say i do have it. when i read tis, the 1st person i tot of is him. he is tat someone in my heart who suits all the details as stated above. he is so dear to me. i noe i cannot afford to lose him but i can't afford to have him. so i choose to be his close frens forever. showing him the little concern every now and then, lending him a listening ear. though he might not noe, i really appreciate his presence and concern. his support along the way had been the greatest gift from him. towards him, it is a feeling tat is more than frens but less than lovers. if i tell pple, pple will nv believe me. but is true tat towards him, i ask for nutting but juz frenship. cos i can't afford to lose him in any way... he will be tat someone in my heart forever... someone i can guarantee i will nv forget..