我的外婆 My Maternal Granny

It was a peaceful Saturday for me on 20 July 2019 when I was lazing at home, catching up on my dramas and preparing to set off to a birthday party. Who knows, a call and many WhatsApp messages broke the peacefulness and plans. My brother said over the phone “Did you see the messages? Ah Jiak (Maternal Granny) has left.” “WHAT?!?” I raised my voice. Bro said he was on his way to hospital with my mother. And I quickly went to hospital to join them and the rest of my extended family members.

The 30mins journey from my home to hospital seems extremely draggy though there was no traffic jam. I reckoned it had to do with my feelings. I just saw Granny a couple of days ago and she was fully aware that I visited though she was having difficulty breathing.

When we arrived at hospital, Granny was lying in the hospital bed that was wheeled to a small room opposite to her original ward so that we do not disturb the other patients with our constant going in and out, grieving and crying. Granny looked so peaceful as if she was having a deep sleep. No matter how we called out to her, of course she did not responded to us. The nurses told us that within the first 6 hours of the passing on, the deceased would still be able to hear us so we could continue to call out to her. I called out to her, touched her head and held her hand. While there was no response from her, I could really felt her presence. Doctor said that Granny had passed away peacefully and her departure happened pretty quick. This means that there was almost no suffering and it was not a painful process for her. Really delighted to hear this as Granny definitely deserved a good demise after leading a challenging and eventful life.

My Maternal Granny became a widow in her early 40s. Single-handedly, as she tried to make a living being a hawker, she had to take care of the family with 8 children. Back in those days, survival was the key priority. Being able to find money to buy food to feed the children was more important than anything else. Being a resilient lady, Granny really did whatever she could to feed her children and made sure all of them are safe and sound.

My mother is 3rd in line. Being the oldest daughter, my mother was the one to help out with Granny's hawker business and household chores. Mum naturally became very close and attached to Granny . For my bro and I, while we weren’t brought up by Granny, when we were young, we visited Granny on every weekend with our parents and the other extended family members. So our connection wasn’t that far off either.

In my impression, Granny always has a smilely face when facing all her grandchildren. She has never scolded us and would always feed us with lots of good food whenever we visited her. During school holidays, occasionally my cousins, my bro and I used to do stayovers in Granny's house. With about 6-8 young kids running around in the house, how could the house not be lively and how will Granny not be busy. Haha...

As we grew older, weekly visit to Granny's house had became once a blue moon visit. When Granny's health deteriorated after suffering from 2 strokes, her mobility was limited. She had to be on wheel chair at times and even she could walk, she had to use a walker and couldn’t walk for a long time. For the past 10 years or so, Granny stayed over at my parents’ house so that my mum could take care of her. Whenever I visited my parents, I always meet Granny as well. Perhaps because our age gap and we do not see each other often, other than greeting her and asking if she has eaten, my convo with her did not really progressed. However I remembered that Granny will always look at me with that signature smile of hers and gave a little wave with her hand whenever I greeted her as I stepped into the house. Though Granny and my parents and extended family mostly converse in Hokkien, my Granny and the family are Hakkas. So my bro and I always conversed with her in Hakka. I’m always amazed by how quick she could switch between her language as she converse to me in Hakka while answering my mum in Hokkien. 😂

At the ripe old age of 90 years old, her demise should be considered as a blessings in disguise for both herself and her caregivers (my mum, dad and youngest uncle). Though they said that Granny's demise does not qualify for 笑丧 as Granny is not yet 100 years old, I felt otherwise. Granny had led a colourful life blessed with many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. There may be unhappy moments, arguments and discontentment in Granny's caregiving after she felt sick, there were many other happy and memorable moments as well. And most importantly, Granny is a happy person no matter what happen. She may be fussy at times but that’s because she was fully aware of her wants and dislikes. Haha... She is a simple person who doesn’t like to say much. Always quietly and happily observing how we grandchildren played around her, occasionally tried to jump into the conversation with her children. One of my favourite pastimes with Granny around: to squabble with my brother and get Granny involved and Granny will use her hand to gently hit my bro for bullying me. 😃😃

Spent the final night with my bro and sis in law to look after the funeral set up. It was a peaceful moment as I have some "me time" to reminisce some limited yet memorable moments spent with Granny. On the final day of sent-off, as the tune of “Auld Lang Syne” was played to bid the final Goodbye, I could no longer control my tears, I decided to let them flow. This final goodbye was indeed not as easy as I have expected. No matter how well I have prepared myself, there will always be that very moment which I could not overcome calmly. 

As the hearse proceeded to Bright Hill Temple Crematorium, it did a detour to pass by Apex Day Rehabilitation Centre For Elderly in Bukit Merah View. The head of centre requested for the drive pass as he shared that the sisters and staff of the centre would like to say their final goodbye to Granny on her final journey. Granny visited this day care centre daily on weekdays for the past 10+ years. Mentioned by the centre’s sisters and caregivers, Granny was one of their favourite seniors in the centre. She is always polite, smilely and friendly. And Granny looked forward to going to the centre and enjoyed taking part in all kinds of excursion, activities and events. As the hearse passed by the centre, many of the staff stood along the roadside to wave their hands and bid their final goodbye to Granny! “Ah Jiak, surely you saw this awesome and heartwarming scene, right? :)” Many thanks to the sisters and caregivers of APEX for taking good care of my Granny and filled her times spent in the centre with so much joy and good memories. Thank you! 💗

Sharing some photos taken with Granny over the past few years: 

CNY selfie with Granny during CNY 2015. I thought Granny did a pretty good job for her 1st selfie. She kept still and smilely while I snapped the selfie! 

Granny with Sis Lihong (Grandchild) and Jia Le and Jia Rui (Great Grandchildren) during CNY 2016

Yearly CNY Selfie with Granny and Mum during CNY 2016

Family feast with Granny - August 2016

Happy Family Feast - August 2016

Roped Bro into my yearly CNY selfie with Granny during CNY 2017

2nd selfie taken for CNY 2017 including Sis Lihong! 

CNY Family Photo with Granny during CNY 2018

Happy Family Feast - June 2018

Granny posing with her bowl full of food! Happy Feasting! 

CNY Feasting with Granny during CNY 2019

This is definitely my favourite photo taken with Granny!
It was meant to be a selfie but I had no idea why did Granny look at me instead while smiling away. Haha... Anyway, I thought this photo captured one of the sweetest moments shared between Granny and I 💓

 “亲爱的Ah Jiak，您灿烂的笑容，我会永远记住；您的善良与慈悲，我会效仿；您的坚强与坚持，我会学习。请您一路走好。见到了外公后，记得和他来个温暖拥抱，他等您很久了。哈哈😄 请您继续做李家的守护天使吧。有空记得托梦给我妈妈，她肯定非常想念您。因为您和她的感情很好。关系是母女，相处犹如无所不谈的好友。”