"I will NOT let YOU outwin ME for I WILL DEFEAT & OVERRULE YOU!"

a day when everything just goes wrong. even the simplest meaning i oso can't get it and i need to trouble someone else to explain. waking up early and i tot i can do more things. ended up i juz can't get the tings into my mind. so i decided to go and exercise my muscles and continue my work after that. it was useful initially but i still can't hang on till the end. over engrossed in something made me seems to disconnect from outside world. HP was ringing and yet i can just ignored. refusing to speak over the phone make me feel like a freak. just what is going on with me? am i over stressing myself unnecessarily?

that day i met Christina, my senior from NP. she is oso my senior in UQ. she completed her honours studies last year and currently working in UQ as a tutor and research assistant. as i was toking to her about my honours studies, i finally feel that my message was brought across and understood by someone. she told me when she was studying her honours, she told her groupmates up front that she is a honours student and she need to maintain her GPA so she dun allow any mistakes in any of her assignments. she is a perfectionist so i can understand her point in making her stand clearly at 1st. i am not really a perfectionist but i just want to score! before i took up the honours, pple had been telling me if u dun score for ur honours, ur honours is not going to worth anything. gosh~! do u noe how much pressure that is? facing myself every day in the mirror, i am constantly telling myself that "i can, i will and i need to survive!".

life is not only abt studies. there r many things that i shld care abt. however, at tis moment studies is all that i have. if i dun score well in tis, what else still matters? moreover, my current studies is a choice made out of my own will. if i cannot achieve something good out of something i am willing to do, then what am i still able to achieve? of cos i wun deny there are still many more tricky matters that are overwhelming at the same time. tat is wat life is all abt. if life can always be smooth sailing, no one will have problems.

i noe i can do it! i juz noe i can finish up watever i need to do. & i noe i can still have fun at the same time. all i need to give myself is time to think, space to breathe and confidence to strive again. i want to smile from the bottom of my heart again. it was fine for the past few mths and juz 2 more mths before my 1st half of honours' journey will be completed. i noe i can still smile along now till the end. i noe i can... "I will NOT let YOU outwin ME for I WILL DEFEAT & OVERRULE YOU!"